Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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