Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
