You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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