Screwed.edu
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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