The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
