You made me cry and you don't even care
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
