sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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