I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
