why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
