At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
That's intense
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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