Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
