Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He? As in you personified your dick?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
