Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
