finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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