dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
