I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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