I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
