and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I use my feet as sexual weapons
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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