ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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