I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
