that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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