hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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