ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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