Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
