i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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