We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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