Where is the hickey?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
