to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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