Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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