Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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