I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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