escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
