Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize