your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
