If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
