i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
