Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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