let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
