do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
