I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
