and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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