i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
