eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
