mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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