Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
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she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
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there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize