you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
