my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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