bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
