Jerry, you need to find god
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
