It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
