no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
