I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
