called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
