I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
