Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
