i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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