im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
