Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
