It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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