Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
