forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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