hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
