I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
