this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
