Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We need a shit load of segways right now
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
