I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
