i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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