i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
