turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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