If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
