be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
