I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
