she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
