All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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