I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
