you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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