My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
they're like a gay fantastic four
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
