When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
