DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
