for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
