no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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