She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My penis needs a shock collar
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
