I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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