It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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